Friday, May 13, 2011


I almost lost it over the course of the last day. No blogger, no contact. At least its back now.

I've packed all my stuff up neatly in my dorm room. Term is ending so no ones suspicious.

Haven't changed out of the costume cleaned only when roomate was gone. I fear I'd lose myself entirely if I removed the costume.

tried to eat yesterday and vomited until there was blood. tried to drink, same thing.

I've been getting more and more woozy. Ddo you guys know how many cuts are on my body? Hell, my right hand its bad. I don't know how I'm even moving it much less

But I'm not going to kill myself.

A band I liked back in the before wrote this song.

Rejoice, rejoice God's ears are stitches
Rejoice, His eyes are big X's
Rejoice, His arms are burning witches
Rejoice, His hands perform hexes

Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds
Rejoice because you're trying your best

Rejoice, the bed you sleep in is burning
Rejoice, the sky's fucking falling
Rejoice, the world we know is turning
Rejoice, your father's been calling

Rejoice although this world will devastate you
Rejoice although this world will penetrate you
Rejoice although you will not survive
Rejoice you'll never make it out alive

Rejoice, your hair it smells like burning (hair)
Oh rejoice, your nails all got chewed off
Rejoice, and holy fuck you're bleeding (there)
Oh rejoice, you burned your whole beard off

Rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you
Rejoice despite the fact this world will tear you to shreds
Rejoice because you're trying your best 


I'm bowing out soon. I'll be gone.

Sam, thank you for your constant support and help in the early days. You are one of the few whos been with me this long. Thank you so much.

AS, thank you for your support in these days. I want you to keep on fighting. Finish what we started.

Kay, thank you for your suppport and offers of help. Don't back down, you hear me? You are one who deserves life.

Morningstar, you were helpful in your own way, whether you meant it or not. Thank you.

I have so many I wish I had thanked. But so many of them are dead. So, so many. 

The rest of you. No tears, no crying. Smile, clench your fist and live. Live for all of us.

I will sleep soundly once again. I will eat and drink in the afterlife. I will see my brother again. Maybe, maybe even Gwen will be there.

I hope so.

I don't want my death to be for nothing. 

I'm waiting.

I will be waiting as long as it takes.


  1. I wouldn't suggest going to a hospital for obvious reasons, but is there an urgent care you can get to? At the very least, take some painkillers and get some rest.

    Well. At least you won't kill yourself; that's a relief.

  2. Oh.


    Are you sure you can't eat or drink anything? There must be something you could do. Even try and find Hospitaller - as big a jerk as he is, he at least knows what he's doing! Anything is better than just... waiting!

    My god...

    I... I sincerely hope your pain ends, my friend.

  3. I vomited three times yesterday after i tried to drink some water. I really don't think I can, Hakurei. It tasted like her


  4. I advised you three times.
    You ignored me.
    Now your bleeding to death slowly.
    This could have been avoided.
    - Indrid

  5. Damn.

    Slice. I WILL finish what was started. It will end with me. I hope you get a chance to read this. I will be back. I promise you. This doesn't end here.

  6. I can't even think about food, or... I vomited again.

    But I'm at peace. This will all be over soon.

  7. There are few who deserve peace quite as much as you Slice. I hope your end is quick.

  8. You've got to keep going! It can't just end like that!

  9. Slice...I...damn it...I wasn't at the computer, I was with Cathy and Tony and shit...

    If I don't get to stop you from leaving us, then you don't get to tell me not to cry.

  10. WHELP. Goodbye. Nice knowing you. Didn't really know you all that well but nice knowing you all the same. Cheers.